Living My Best Life With Anxiety.

Hi. My name is Kathy, and I have anxiety. Acknowledging that anxiety is something that I live with was never my issue.   Learning how to deal with it and maneuver it, is another story altogether.   It's what brings me to this blog post. 

I have been wanting to share this post for a while now, after an episode I had last Spring that catapulted me into the clutches of anxiety and depression (its annoying cousin); but I was afraid that if I shared this post, any possible employer that would google me or read my blog, would see my anxiety as a 'problem.’  It's sad that we still live in a world where mental health and sanity are not seen as important or far worse, that if you complain of being sad, anxious, or even having an off day, you are quickly labeled 'crazy,' or something to that degree.  There have been strides with many celebrities, advocates and “real" people like you and me opening up more and more to share their stories and realize that we are a community of support that share a common ground. This is why I wanted to share my story with a little more depth. 

I'm a very honest and open person. I like to share my experiences in hopes of helping others in some capacity.  I've shared my experience of losing a parent, of becoming a parent, of my struggles with baby blues, adapting to a new city, and so forth. Chances are if you have DM’ed to ask me anything personal, you didn't get any sugar coated responses. Who we are is all we have to give. Our experiences shape us, they teach us, help us grow and help us become better versions of ourselves.  It is through these difficult and challenging experiences, that we realize how truly resilient we are, that we can overcome and that we are human.  We embrace our flaws, our missteps, our successes and failures and wrap them up in a big messy bow.  And that is our gift to the world, to our families and most importantly, to ourselves. 

I learn this daily through anxiety. I won't lie, it’s a challenge and not always easy to learn. I have good days where I feel like Wonder Woman and there are those days I can barely get out of bed - but I do.   Everyday is a new opportunity to do so and climb that mountain, and it’s okay to ask for help. If it weren't for certain people in my life, this would have been even more isolating, much scarier and hopeless. 

This is the story I want to share. I'm sure I'll go back and read this 100 times before I post, and wish that I had added this or that, because hey, anxiety. There's so much I want to say without it getting lost.  At times, you'll read this and it won't be pretty. Maybe some of you can relate specifically or you know someone in the same boat. All our journeys are different. Anxiety is different for every person that suffers from it.  What works for one person, might not work for another, so it is important that I stress that what I am about to share is my journey, and my journey only. 

Anxiety has a funny way of manifesting itself. It's mostly triggered by fears or certain feelings that are nicely tucked away in our subconscious until one day, POOF! There's a physical and emotional eruption that is sometimes difficult to explain or know where it came from. That's when all that fun digging starts until you get to the root of things and so the nurturing process begins. 

On April 23rd, 2016, I had one of these eruptions. You push, and push and push, until suddenly you can't push anymore and it all catches up to you. A combination of stressors from being over-scheduled, caring for a new baby in a new city, finances, work, juggling two kids, marriage, and not stopping to truly 'rest' or take a breather, caused my mind to go into overdrive and crash. I used to explain it as 'imagine you try to reboot a computer and it doesn't start. Its officially burnt out. Its done.' That's how I felt. The screen in my head went black. I was familiar with the symptoms and effects from the last big episode I had (I call these the BIG ones), on March 15, 1999, so I knew what was coming wasn't pretty. Physically, my heart is racing a million miles a minute, my stomach is on a continuous loop of painstaking drops, I sweat and cry. Worst of all, is a mind that goes limbic. My mind becomes a rambling compilation of obsessive thoughts that seem to have no end. I want to jump out of myself when they take over. I learned that it wasn't about controlling the thoughts, because when you are in that state of anxiousness, thats not going to happen. It’s about redirecting these thoughts.   And somehow if do get window of clarity during anxiety, you have to seize the opportunity and tell your rational mind to be calm and remember that what you're experiencing is an anxious mind.  A mind that’s more like a chicken without a head.   Easier said than done, right?  It takes time.  Reeling in anxiety isn't an overnight thing. Hence, when people share their awesome wisdom such as, "calm down" or "just breathe" or my favorite, "what are you anxious about," you pretty much want to punch them in the face. 

My anxiety stopped me from living my best life at that moment. I mustered up every ounce of energy I had in me every day to dress Maya for school, pick her up and take care of Rocco to the best of my ability at the time. Coco's job flexibility ended up being a blessing in disguise because most of the time he worked from home to be with me.  Bless his heart.  Its never easy for your significant other to see you in such a state, knowing that there’s very little they can do to help.  There was so much helplessness on his end, as well. My days were spent with curtains drawn, never leaving the house (or the sofa for that matter) because I didn't want to see light.  I didn't speak to friends. I canceled any and all social activities. I pushed myself to attend Maya’s ballet recital and her soccer match because even though I was in disarray, I wanted her to see that I was there for her, even if it was just a shell of me.

Mornings were the toughest, as that was when my overactive mind was the strongest.  I had to make sure to get out of bed and stay distracted so I wouldn't be sucked into that vortex of despair.  I tried meditating, which didn't work for me.  Walks in the park with the dogs helped slightly. What really helped me besides getting myself to a therapist 3-4 times a week, was watching comedy shows. It helped me during the first Big One, and it helped me again. So a special shout out to Liz Lemon and the 30 Rock gang and Kimmy Schmidt for helping me stay sane.  I also wrote. A lot.   Again, during my first Big One, I had a notebook where I would write all of my daily thoughts, no matter how horrible, incoherent or embarrassing they were, I wrote them all down. It was cathartic.  I noticed that as soon as I would put them on paper, there was a sense of relief, so I kept writing. When I was finally feeling like myself again or version 2.0, I burned the notebook. I did the same this time around, minus the burning.  But I would carry this small notebook with me everywhere and I would write my obsessive and overactive thoughts. I would jot down helpful tips and notes that I would find on anxiety-centric sites, or self-help books. I would read them 2-3 times a day, sometimes more. It was a way to train my mind and help it remember that this person right now, right at this moment, going through a stressful bout with anxiety, wasn't me. I couldn't let these thoughts overpower me. I couldn't let them stake claim in my mind. 

Here's how I describe to people when they ask what anxiety feels like for me, specifically at this point when I couldn't function.  It’s a dark place. It’s like being in a hole and not being able to get out no matter how much you want to. It’s like being in quicksand and trying - really trying - to grab on to anything that can help you get yourself out, but there’s nothing to grab. It’s not caring about sitting in your pajamas or the same clothes for days at a time, not taking baths, not caring about how you look or what you wear.  I didn't eat. I lost 11 pounds without trying and I all I wanted was to get better. It’s funny, I was recently reading an essay that model, Chrissy Teigen had written about her post-partum depression and anxiety.  I thought to myself, "Holy shit. This girl just described EXACTLY what I had felt." I knew I wasn't alone, but for someone to explain these symptoms and the withdrawals associated with depression and anxiety, was enlightening https://www.glamour.com/story/chrissy-teigen-postpartum-depression. 

Through the darkness and the daily struggles of trying to find the light at the end of the tunnel, I made decisions to slowly and surely start living again and to get myself on a non-rutted path. I was very thankful to my mother-in-law who flew in from New York at Coco's request, didn't ask any questions and stayed with me for three weeks to help me take care of the kids.  She helped pick up the slack that my anxiety wasn't letting me.  She would sit and hold me as I cried over feeling this way and didn't roll her eyes when I would make her watch episodes of 30 Rock on repeat.  While she was here, I upped my therapy game even more.  I'm from the mindset that everyone should have a therapist and if it weren't for mine the first time around, I wouldn't have known how to help myself when this one came around. I was seeing an anxiety specialist 3-4 times a week in addition to phone sessions. It was a safe haven. The more I spoke about it, the better I felt and that gave me hope. 

Another big thing I did, was get on medication. This was difficult for me because of the stigma attached to it. I kept telling myself at first, "I don't need it. I was able to do it without it the first time around, I can do it again." But I couldn't. I had to remember that when I had my first big anxiety attack at the age of 17, almost two years after my mom's death, I was a teenager dealing with different life stressors. My stressors at 17 were very different than the ones at 35. I made the choice to get on medication not only for myself, but for my kids. I needed to function for them, and if the medication was going to help me do that, then I would try for them. I'm not talking about a 'calm your nerves at the moment' pill like a xanax (though I do keep those when I fly because they are huge help), I wanted something that would balance the serotonin in my brain chemistry so I could find that stability that I was lacking physically, mentally, and emotionally. It was one of the best decisions I made. I want to make it clear though, that because you are on medication, it doesn't mean that your anxiety is gone. You still have to do the work. Medication allowed me to use my tools more effectively, to think with a more rational mind and to redirect my obsessive thoughts. It gave me the power to keep going. I gained the weight back, the physical symptoms of anxiety subsided and little by little, I was able to perform day to day functions with ease and even delight. 

I made the very personal choice of getting off social media. Social Media is one of the most amazing technologies to date but it can also be very isolating and negative. It has the ability to consume you, if you allow it. It can create feelings of negativity, false realities, and disconnect you from emotional growth with others and ourselves. It’s easy to let it effect you, so I shut it down. I got off Facebook completely, and didn't post on my Instagram for seven months. Being a writer/influencer, social media is a significant component of what I do but at that point, my sanity and getting better was far more important. Besides, I wasn't in the mood to post fashion shots of myself. That's how you know I wasn't in a good place! Ha! 

I spent a lot of time with Coco and the kids. They were the only people I wanted to be with. My friends were hugely supportive and respectful, always checking in with Coco or myself, giving me space, but also worried. I can't blame them.  Their support, their texts, their words of encouragement, meant the world to me. My best friend even took Maya a few times for me when I wasn't feeling like a fun parent. I'm grateful for that. Coco continues to be my angel on the ground. His patience, compassion, love, and understanding, gave me peace of mind, but also strengthened the fact that marriage isn't always rainbows and butterflies. It’s during tough times like these, that bonds get reinforced and respect grows tenfold. 

My anxieties are always triggered by abandonment, loss and control...and they will always be. During my first Big One, it was a short breakup with my boyfriend at the time, that threw me into a scary anxiety episode of endless tears, sleepless nights, panic attacks and fear that ultimately revealed that I was grieving the death of my mom and all the empty thereafter that came with it. I was so concerned with moving forward and keeping my head up and keeping it together for everyone else, that eventually it caught up to me. It always does. This isn't fun to deal with when you're 17 on the cusp of graduating high school and going off to college. It was frightening. Going away to college was something I had to put aside and it devastated me.  But I knew I needed to get better and I didn't want to risk another attack while I was away and have no one there to help me. With the help of my therapist, my uncle (who would fly down from Chicago every weekend to be with me), my boyfriend at the time (a lot for a 17 year old kid to deal with so I commend him for that), and my Mom's guidance, I got back on my feet. It took me a good year but I came out stronger, wiser and a lot more confident. I learned that I did not let anxiety define me. 

Fast forward almost twenty years later and the pattern seems to be familiar. A silly fight, which I can no longer remember the cause (probably brought on by the insane amount of stress we’d been dealing with), triggered a whole new feeling of abandonment and fear of losing Coco - of losing what I love. On top of that, pushing myself in an unhealthy way and not taking into consideration that here I am, with a new baby, that I should be taking it easy and all I kept thinking was, "you have to keep it together. you have to do this for your family, Go go go.”  It's a nice thought, but by doing that I did the opposite. Hell, I went straight from the hospital after getting discharged from my delivery to Maya’s school to pick her up at dismissal. I did a Selena Gomez interview with stitches still in my vagina, one week after giving birth.  I don't know the definition of ‘stop’ sometimes but if it’s one positive thing about having anxiety, is that it’s quick to remind you when it’s time to put on the brakes.  Post-anxiety attack Kathy, doesn't pack her calendar with things to do. There’s a lot more 'me time' in there or as I like to say, 'mental health days' and I love it. 

Before I wrap this baby up, I wanted to touch upon those thoughts. Thoughts related to anxiety vary from person to person. Like I mentioned earlier, anxiety has a funny or I should say, fucked up way, of taking on a form and infiltrating your mind to making you think these are real or hold any merit whatsoever.  Guess what?  They don’t.  When you pay attention to these thoughts or focus on these thoughts, even fight these thoughts, you make them bigger and give them more power. They're more menacing. One of the things I learned is that instead of fighting these thoughts, step aside, let them be and redirect them. The more we fight and give attention to these negative thoughts, the more they'll stick around.  I know it’s not always easy to focus on the positive, but I am a big believer in that.  One of the more positive things I learned about anxiety is that these scary, anxious thoughts do serve a purpose - and that’s to remind us of what matters to us and what we value above all.  For me, it’s my family, my husband and my kids. 

When you lose a parent or someone you love, your triggers when it comes to loss and abandonment are heightened and if you are a parent, make that double. Looking back at my childhood, there were definitely instances of smaller scale anxiety episodes or obsessive compulsive worrying over things that were non-existent but that consumed me to the point that I couldn't function. For example, I was traumatized by the movie Chucky and for many months thought that he would come get me in my room, while I bathed, in school, etc. I would use towels and trash baskets to secure the door when I would shower, and when someone came over for dinner and brought their 'My Buddy' doll, I practically died. I snatched the doll, climbed to the highest shelf in the closet, and hid the doll there so it 'wouldn't get me.' When I was an early teen, I convinced myself I had AIDS. I know, you're probably like "WTF?" So am I, don't worry.  But I did, I convinced myself that because I had swapped spit with my teen crush and some video in Home Ec class told me that if you had an open sore you would get AIDS, well that’s all I needed to self-diagnose. I didn't eat, I made my mom write a note to the teacher so I would be excused from watching that video and even came clean to my mom, that I had (GASP!), made out with a boy at the age of 14.  So when it became clear I didn't have AIDS, I let my thoughts runaway with me again and convinced myself that I had Leukemia instead because they were taking too long to give me blood work results, because why not?  Anxiety, you have a wicked sense of humor. Only this time my mom wasn't having it and whipped me back to reality quick.  So you see, the point is, that anxiety and overactive imagination have always been a part of who I am. 

I did so much research and read so many books and sites on anxiety, I can pretty much add 'Dr.' to my name.  Joking aside, these sites and books dedicated to anxiety were a big part of my healing process. I wrote down pieces that resonated with me, like these ones for instance. I'm not sure which site specifically they came from but when I find it, I'll add link, but it said...

"Why do little children think ghosts, goblins and monsters are real? As adults, we know they aren't. Your thoughts aren't 'real' either in the sense that you create and reinforce them and the emotions that go along with them. Your thoughts are only what you decide to believe in and continually reinforce in your mind." 

"Thoughts are a symptom of anxiety and depression, just like spots are a symptom of chicken pox. If you had chicken pox, you would just accept spots as part of it, ignore them while they can, and allow them to pass. Anxious, obsessive thoughts are the same as they are a symptom, need to be seen as a symptom, allowed to do their thing and pass over." 

"Analysis creates Paralysis. Our tendency is to think too much and to paralyze ourselves with our rumination. We have a choice; Realize what we're doing to ourselves, get up, find a distraction do something positive!"

That last statement is a tough one to follow, but its absolutely true. It’s exactly what I am trying to do as I get ready to head out on our first trip  sans the kids.  For me, the night before I leave and the flight itself is the worst. I'm a mess. Its called anticipatory anxiety. Add that one to my list. I'm already missing the kids, I'm having panic attacks, and I'm second guessing my decision to go on the trip and try to convince myself that I don't need to go on a trip. Thankfully, I push through.  I normally take a xanax (lately I've been trying not to if the anxiety isn't so bad or the flight isn't bumpy), or I have a glass of wine to mellow out a bit. I always have to be connected to the internet when I fly because it helps me (like if screaming in all caps to someone that we're crash landing is going to do anything), and lately I've been downloading movies or shows on Netflix to watch and keep me entertained and distracted. Lastly, I always pray (and breathe) for safety and smooth sailing. Oh and did I mention, I make it very clear to the stewardess when I board that I have anxiety and I would like to speak to the captain for a weather report and this, REALLY helps me. Extreme, but hey, we do what works for us! 

Naturally, the thought of something happening to me and leaving my kids without a mother is one of my biggest anxiety struggles and one that is currently on my mind.  I even called our estate lawyer to make sure our will was in place and called my sister-in-law to give her a rundown of wishes I wanted for the kids in the event…God forbid...that we expired. I am definitely keeping distracted, redirecting my thoughts and trying to focus on the positive, which is a sponsored trip that I get to share with my other half, where we get to spend quality time together, sleep in, relax and basically be child-free for three days.  Most parents wouldn't blink an eye.  Truthfully, yes, I'm so excited but I'm terrified. When you lose a parent, this reality becomes so much more real to you.  I’ve been plagued so many times with the unwanted 'what ifs,' "What if I die?  What if the plane crashes?  What if I get kidnapped and killed?  What if there’s a terrorist attack?  What if something happens to my kids while I'm away?  What will happen to my kids if they don't have me? What if something happens to both of us?  What if they're sad all the time?  I don't want to leave my kids!"  And well,  this song and dance is familiar when you're a parent and have kids.  Only when you have anxiety, it’s exaggerated to the 100th degree.  I even toyed with the idea of putting Coco and I on separate flights in case one of our planes crashed.  I mean, screw you, anxiety! That's what my anxious mind says. I then have to work extra hard to get my rational mind into overdrive and say to myself, "Kathy, breathe. Everything is going to be fine. Enjoy this time away with your husband. Have fun and relax. The kids will have a blast with grandma. It's only a couple of days. You will be back." 

It has been so reassuring and very encouraging to hear from other parents, from my own friends who have been my strongest support system in this and from you guys, my squeezers because when I first posted about my struggles on instastories, you all were quick to DM me - an instant connection!  I also realized that many of you can relate to the struggles of anxiety and depression but are afraid to speak about it, and I'm here to tell you, that you are not alone. You would be surprised at how many women and men deal with this on the daily and there is nothing wrong with that.  You're awesome, strong and resilient!  We are all here to help one another.  We aren't robots and we shouldn't be. We're allowed to ask for help and guidance from others and from God, to cry if you need to and laugh when we want to. 

Anxiety and depression do not define us, we cannot allow them to stop us from living our best life, and dare I say, let’s embrace this strange gift, because it is sometimes through the hardships and frustrations of A&D, that we grow to become who we want to be and who we're meant to be! 

In Love and In Style, 

Kathy

Living Our Best Life on the New Carnival Vista!

Ready to board the Carnival Vista! 6/11/17

The Carnival Vista takes biking to new extremes. 

It's been way too long, Squeezers! After a taking a little break from blogging, I knew it would have to be something truly special to bring me back on this forum- and family is always a good reason to do anything! The amazing team at Carnival Cruise Line (www.carnival.com), invited my clan and I to check out their new majestic ship, the Carnival Vista; and oh boy, what a beauty! The last time we cruised, Coco and I were basically newlyweds! Here we were seven years later, venturing on our first cruise as a family of four and we were so excited (yet nervous) to dive deep into the unknown; because any time you travel with two toddlers, it is the unknown! 

First off, let's talk about the ship! It's grand, it's loaded with so much to do, and there is so much to see. As cliche as it sounds, there really is something for every kind of traveler- whether you're on a family vacation,  a honeymoon, or looking for the utmost relaxation, this ship covers it all! Stepping onto every deck felt like Christmas- you didn't know what to expect. From IMAX theaters to the fan-favorite SkyRide (the first of its kind on a Carnival ship), which lets you bike overlooking a never-ending ocean, the Carnival Vista is really delivering on their 'Fun At Sea' mantra! 

Get your most cruise-worthy outfit ready (beach hat a plus), because I'm taking you on a little Vista adventure! 

The view from our balcony stateroom

No more monkeys jumping on the bed. Testing out the bounce factor.

First thing's first- check in time! Carnival makes it really easy to prep before a trip! We printed all our documents, luggage tags, even registered the kids for Camp Ocean (more on that later), so once we arrived, we breezed right through priority check-in. Because we had priority, we were able to get into our room early and check out our digs! We had a stateroom with a balcony, which was like having your own little sanctuary in your room- just you and the big blue sea whenever you wanted it- a true oasis! The room had a full size bed with a small sitting area, and I think Maya was the most thrilled because she got to sleep on a bunk bed that came down from the wall- big girl status! I don't think we ever saw her during bedtime; but, that didn't stop Maya and Rocco from testing out our bed first! 

She's a smart girl. Lounging in the thermal suite at Cloud 9 Spa

Next order of business on our agenda was checking out the rest of the ship! There were two musts for us (aside from getting a cocktail): Camp Ocean and the Cloud 9 Spa! We did a spa tour and got to see first hand all the services they had to offer- besides the traditional massages and facials, they also had acupuncture, teeth whitening, and wellness classes and seminars at their state-of-the-art gym! Maya even got to test out the thermal suites in the relaxation area (these are available at extra cost)! 

The following stop on our self-guided tour- Camp Ocean! I think I was looking forward to Camp Ocean more than Maya was looking forward to Camp Ocean! When you got two parents who are always trying to sneak some child-free time here and there, this camp was heaven sent! The first thing you see when you walk into the camp, is a Dr. Seuss Bookville- even I couldn't resist making myself comfortable in the colorful nook! Kids and parents are invited to hang out and pick from a vast library of Seuss books and you even have the option of checking out the books and taking them to your cabin! Maya and Rocco made a beeline for Bookville, while Coco and I met the counselors. Kids are divided by age into three groups- Penguins, Stingrays, and Sharks. Unfortunately, children under two are not allowed at the Camp during the day, but they are allowed to come during the camp's Night Owl program, which is basically a babysitting service from 10pm-1am at an extra cost. This was one of my only complaints. I wish the camp had more day time options for kids under two. I would have loved to have taken advantage of some alone time with Coco at the 'Serenity' pool, which is the adult-only pool and lounge area on the ship. We did take advantage and use Night Owls every night, though! 

The security is Pentagon level at the camp, which is super important to Coco and I. There's a check-in and check-out process that happens before any child gets accepted and released. Once you go inside Camp Ocean, you literally feel like you're in some aquatic wonderland! Maya and Rocco went wild! Their Penguin section was full of toys, an Igloo slide, and a big screen TV playing movies on rotation! What a treat for them. They also did arts and crafts with the counselors, got stickers, and I even received a personalized note from one of Maya's counselors telling me what a kind, and helpful little girl she was and how they loved having her there! They also said she was very protective of her little brother when he would come to Night Owls! That special note is hanging on her dresser! As imagined, Maya loved going to Camp Ocean, even if it was for only an hour after getting back on the ship from one of the ports. That is a sign of a good time! 

In her natural habitat. Picking out a book from the Dr. Seuss library.

Dr. Seuss Bookville ready to take all the mini cruisers!

After getting a quick bite to eat at the ship's main cafe, we let the kids play a bit at WaterWorks, the well-equipped waterpark perfect for kids of all ages! There are two awesome slides (with height requirements) the kids can enjoy- Maya was loving the Twister! The lines were a bit long and on the first day we actually waited 30 minutes to go down, but it did get a little better on the other sea days. There were sprinklers, a Power Drencher, and even two smaller sides that were perfect for the tiny tykes! If you're my kid, you seem to think the slide belongs to you and bypass everyone on line! 

So much to do (and drink) on the ship's Waterworks water park. 

So much candy, so little time! Cherry On Top was a hit with the kids.

Now, when you promise a kid candy, you have to deliver on that promise because they don't forget! The ship has the most Instagram-worthy candy store onboard called, Cherry on Top, and it has everything from cute cruise swag, candy, and an ice cream shop where you can make your own creations! It's basically candy heaven and Maya was a little overwhelmed with all the choices. Don't worry, she didn't leave empty-handed!

Italian specialty restaurant on the ship. 

Spaghetti or chocolate chip cookies? Hmmmm.

Spoiled by the wonderful team at Cucina di Capitano

No Italian meal is complete without Cannolis for dessert! 

On the first night, we dined at one of the ship's speciality restaurant, Cucina Di Capitano (the Captain's Kitchen) and we had the whole restaurant to ourselves! First off, the decor was impeccable! It truly looked like the inside of a captain's quarters. It was regal but also inviting and casual. The menu had so many options! I encourage you if you're cruising, spend the extra $15 per adult and try it! Coco and I also invested in the Cheers! Program. We booked it before we left so we got a great deal at 49.95 per person, per day. This basically guarantees you top shelf alcohol and wine by the glass ($25 glass limit). Also, if you buy wine by the bottle, which we did at every meal, you get 25% off! It worked out nicely for us because we love to enjoy our wine with dinner and we took advantage of the specialty bars on the ship! 

Back to Cucina...We wanted to sample everything! The kids had the Spaghetti Carbonara (and spaghetti with butter) and we had everything from the Fried Calamari, to Nonna's Meatballs, to the Pollo Parmigiana de la Cucina (Coco's favorite). We couldn't end our meal without having the Sicilian Cannolis! Mamma Mia! They were molto delicioso! We made sure to thank the amazing chefs and server for our first meal! No one cried and everyone ate so we call that a success. 

Our Carnival towel friends made some visits to the Buccio room.

I always get a kick out of these towel animals we find on our bed! They really do make me smile and the kids loved them! Every day they were looking forward to seeing which animal was going to greet them when they walked in the door. It's the little things! 

View of the lido deck from the 12th floor.

That's what I always say! The Red Frog Rum Bar knows what its doing!

This piña colada didn't last very long. 

Happiest girl on the Vista! Time for some water park fun.

Twinning in our navy blue suits.

We spent our second day at sea; so, that meant more Waterworks for the kids, which was perfectly fine by us since they were contained and we could monitor them all while getting some sun! We enjoyed some tropical beverages, like this tasty Piña Colada, from the Red Frog Rum Bar. The ship's main lido deck and pool were a little packed. I'm not a fan of ship pools for that reason. I find them so tiny for the amount of people you find on the ship. I wish they were a little bigger or in our case, I wish Camp Ocean could have taken both kids so that mom and dad could enjoy the Serenity Adult Retreat (just sayin', Carnival)! No, but I know that once Rocco turns two, it'll be different! I'm definitely looking forward to that! 

Maya and I were twinning in our matching navy blue swimsuits! Cruise fashion is not to be neglected when you're traveling in style! We made sure to pack some great outfits inspired by our travels! 

Getting a pre-dinner cocktail at The Alchemy Bar. 

Blue Cheese Martini. 

After a nice afternoon nap and a burrito lunch at the Blue Iguana, it was time to get ready for the ship's Elegant Night- my favorite! This is when everyone gets all gussied up in their finest evening wear (cocktail attire appropriate as well) to dine in the main dining room! Before dinner, we popped into the Alchemy Bar, a true mixology bar that looks like a hipster apothecary, where you can find 'cocktail specialists' mixing up some eclectic and unique libations- like Coco's Blue Cheese Martini, which he helped create!  How does a French Kiss sound? It's made with Absolute Vanilla Vodka, Domaine Chandon, Chambord, and a hint of lime. That, and many other specialty cocktails are served up nightly starting at 5pm. And Maya? She went with the Shirley Temple!

Long live soft-serve ice cream. It's a crowd pleaser! 

You know what gets kids more hyped up than candy? Ice cream! That's all they were looking forward to after dinner. The ship has a soft serve ice cream machine that is available at any hour and this is just a bonus for the mini cruiser! What a sweet way to end the evening! 

Hello, Ocho Rios, Jamaica! View from our balcony. 

Day three and we've arrived at Ocho Rios, Jamaica! Neither of us had been to Jamaica and we were really pumped. We had heard the beaches were beautiful and Dunn's Falls, the island's natural waterfalls, were a must-see. Ocho Rios was the only port we opted for a shore excursion. A shore excursion specialist was available that morning from 8-10am to help anyone booking last minute. She was really helpful in helping us select an excursion that would work with two small kids. She also encouraged us that this would be the best port for a guided excursion due to safety reasons. We went with the Dunn's River Falls with beach and lunch package. We would be able to see the falls and walk along them; but, because Rocco was under five, he wouldn't be able to climb. It didn't take away from the experience whatsoever! 

Making our way along the Dunn's River Falls. 

Cooling off in one of the springs. 

Where the rocks end and the sea begins. Beautiful and tranquil beach. 

We had the best time checking out the Falls and taking a dip whenever we found a small spring for the kids. It was so refreshing! The falls are one of Jamaica's national treasures and with reason- they are breathtaking, lush, and very picturesque! The grounds feel a bit like a retreat- rustic and relaxing at the same time. There's also a beach at the end of the falls where we spent most of our afternoon. The waters were a crystalized aqua blue and deliciously cool! The kids played in the sand and since the water was low, Coco and I were able to watch them easily from our towel. It was perfect. Unfortunately the kids' waterpark was under construction so we couldn't experience it, but when you have an amazing one already on the ship, no big deal, right?!

Pearly Beach. Jamaica.

Daddy and Son dip.

The next stop on our excursion was Pearly Beach, a small strip of beach that's used by locals but mostly by cruisers on excursions. Lucky for us, we were the only ship in port that day so the beach belonged just to our group and it was awesome! There's a lifeguard on duty, lounge chairs, and we were served a yummy lunch with Rum Punch. Sadly, it was watered down Rum Punch but that didn't matter because we spent most of the time savoring these salty seas! Aren't they just magical?! 

A shot of our stellar ship, the Carnival Vista. 

We were able to get a great picture of the Carnival Vista on our way back from the excursion. She looks so grand just sitting there waiting for all her travelers to board!

Seuss At Sea. Sam I Am made a surprise appearance during Story time.

The kids loved the Seuss-a-palooza story time led by our cruise director, Chris.  Hello, Cat! 

We made it back in time for the 'Seuss-a-palooza Story time,' led by our Cruise Director, Chris! This was AWESOME! Story time came to life thanks to a special appearance by the Cat in the Hat, Thing 1 and Thing 2, and Sam I Am! The kids not only got a chance to participate in the story itself, but they got to parade around with the characters and they loved it! It was so interactive and Maya was having so much fun! Fun Fact. Maya and Dr. Seuss share a birthday so the 'Seuss at Sea' attraction was extra special! Rocco didn't know what to make of the characters but he did love all the musical props!

Fresh seafood daily at the Seafood Shack.

Gulf Oysters for a late afternoon snack. 

We were craving some fresh seafood, and hey, you're at sea, so you know you are going to get some freshness atn the ship's Seafood Shack! We love this little New England-inspired spot tucked at the back end of the ship past the Havana Bar! We got a dozen oysters, shrimp, and a delicious lobster roll that was gobbled up in less than five seconds! It was the perfect appetizer before a light dinner! 

Cayman Islands. 

Its just you and the sea, kid. 

Beachside foot rubs. Priceless. 

Family selfie in the Cayman Islands. 

Bright and early the next day we arrived in Grand Cayman! The Cayman beaches are some of my favorite beaches with their tranquil and clear waters. Last time Coco and I were in Grand Cayman, it was when I was pregnant with Maya. We came for our babymoon! Six years later, we're back on Seven Mile Beach with two beautiful water babies ready to enjoy some fun in the sun! We didn't do a shore excursion on this stop because our plan was simple- cab it to the beach, lay out our towels, and hang out until it was time to go! The kids played in the sand, had fun with the GoPro cam, Coco and I got foot massages from a local lady advertising on the beach, and we enjoyed some cocktails and snacks. Here's something that really worked out for us. Our awesome stateroom attendant, Yusef, would bring us fresh fruit daily and since the kids and Coco love fruit, I would pack them up in our bag along with water, and have them handy wherever we went. I can't tell you how this little tip went a long way! 

All dressed up for Elegant Night. 

We clean up nice! Ready for our steak dinner. 

It's time for another evening of elegance; and, as you know, us Buccios were stoked to get all glammed up! I even donned a vintage dress for the night's dinner, which happened to be at another specialty restaurant, Fahrenheit 555. This was, by far, our favorite meal of our cruise! When you get a  couple of carnivores in a steakhouse, you know it's going to be a good meal! 

The meat presentation at Fahrenheit 555 was out of this world. 

Guy Fieri's Hunt and Ryde Pinot Noir was a deliciously complimented our meal. 

If you're going to invest in one specialty restaurant on your next Carnival Vista cruise, make it the steakhouse ($35 per adult, $10 for kids 11 and under). The service was sharp and on point. The restaurant itself was stately but not stuffy. It was welcoming and the ocean view didn't hurt! You have the option of dining al fresco as well, but with Rocco, we preferred to keep him as contained as possible! We opted for a bottle of wine instead of by the glass and went with Guy Fieri's Hunt and Ryde Pinot Noir, which the steakhouse was advertising, so we wanted to try it out (http://www.huntrydewinery.com/shop/2014-estate-grown-pinot-noir). It was delicious! Perfectly balanced, with hints of strawberry and chocolate, and a smooth finish. It was so complimentary, that we did two bottles! If we weren't already impressed with the service (our waitress was able to recite the whole menu over Rocco's cries), and the extensive wine list, the steak presentation cart took the cake! Every type of premium cut of beef was available on that cart and thats how you made your entree selection. Coco went with the Cowboy Steak (18 oz. Rib Chop) and I went for the Surf and Turf (which comes with the Filet Mignon).  

Escargots, anyone?

Cheesecake with Hazelnut biscuit. Yes, please! 

Before savoring every last bite of our meat, we ordered the Escargot Bourguignonne in the Garlic Butter Sauce and they were SO juicy and flavorful, we had to have a second serving! Even though we could have easily rolled out of that restaurant and straight to bed, we couldn't finish our meal without dessert! We shared the cheesecake with hazelnut biscuit and you guessed it, it was heavenly! 

Now it was time to drop the kids off at Night Owls and grab one last glass of wine before bed! 

Maya loved Cozumel because seeing her name everywhere made her feel famous.

Our last stop on our cruise was Cozumel, Mexico! I'm going to be completely transparent here- this was my least favorite stop. I had been to Cozumel before and the first time was actually on Carnival on the first cruise I ever took at the age of 21! It was pouring rain so my friend and I ended up at a Señor Frogs in town and had those ridiculously large yard glasses with booze. It was not a proud moment for me! I was happy to come back and make new memories with my family! My husband is Mexican-American so he was delighted for at least a small piece of his heritage.  I say it was my least favorite stop not because of the beaches or the friendly locals, but because it has definitely become more Americanized and commercialized than many other popular port cities. From chain restaurants to shops, it really caters to the American traveler. While that is good to some extent for the sake of familiarity and fun, you sometimes miss out on the rich Mexican culture that is thriving somewhere behind a Fat Tuesdays. We even asked our cab driver to take us to where the 'locals like to be' and he dropped us off at their 'downtown area,' which was just another tourist trap full of sombreros and shot glasses. 

Spent the afternoon at the Paradise Beach Club. 

Say cheese! Ready to swim. 

A moment of quiet on the Cozumel sands. 

We thought about doing an excursion to the ruins, but the shore excursions agent did not recommend it with a toddler. We decided to do a beach club for the day, and chose Paradise Beach Club (http://www.paradise-beach-cozumel.com). We had heard good things and for an entrance fee of three dollars per person, you couldn't beat it! Food and drinks were at your discretion and if you wanted to use any of the beach attractions, it was an extra charge. All we needed, though, were a couple of beach chairs and an umbrella so we were good to go! I like to make note, though, that Camp Ocean will take little ones under two when you are at port cities at certain time slots. They tended to be short and we weren't quite comfortable leaving him on the ship while we were off it. This was our personal choice; but, if this doesn't phase you whatsoever, it's a great option if you want to leave a little one behind and do some exploring! 

The beach club was great; but, my only gripe with it was that certain parts of the beach were full of seaweed. Swimming was kept to a minimum at the beach because of that; but, the kids played a ton and when Rocco napped, we took Maya to the pool, which was fantastic (Kids in swim diapers were not permitted). The pool was actually really nice and we ordered a caracol ceviche, which is one of their local specialities. It was so refreshing in the blazing heat! Guacamole and signature cocktails were the icing on the cake! 

Local Mexican crafts a street market downtown. 

Time to hunt down my Mexican mumus.

We wanted to have a bit of time to do some shopping so we wrapped things up at the beach and took a cab to what we thought would be a local market, but was really just another mall catering to American travelers! We took a walk off the beaten path and found a little street market so we went to town (literally) when it came to bargaining! Here's a secret- I have a slight obsession with Mexican mumus ( embroidered houses dresses that are very chic). I own two and I wanted another one to add to my collection! I also wanted Maya and I to have matching dresses. The key to shopping at these markets is to haggle them until they get to their lowest price possible. Never settle for the first price. They know there are other stalls hungry to make a deal. I'm happy to report that I scored three traditional Mexican dresses for $45 (two for me and one for Maya). You would have thought I won the lottery; but I literally live in these dresses when I'm home so I was the happiest muchacha ever! We also got a woven Mexican blanket from $60 down to $15 for my dad and a pink leather crossbody purse for Maya for $10! 

My mission was complete! Time to get back on that ship! 

Showing off her traditional Mexican dress and purse for dinner. 

A little dancing during dinner never hurt anyone! 

By the time we got back on the boat, showered, relaxed, and watched Rio 2 for the fifteenth time (thank you, Carnival TV!), we were ready to head downstairs for dinner at the main dining room. Maya wanted to wear her new Mexican mumu and of course I said yes! Can you spot the new cross body purse as well?! She's so stylish for her cruise dinners! That night during dinner, the whole staff broke out into a song and dance and Maya and Rocco joined in on the fun! It was such a nice feeling to see everyone laughing, dancing in their seats, and snapping pictures! That's what a trip should be about- making memories that not only last a lifetime, but that invite you to live and enjoy in the moment! Yes, snap the pictures, do the Instagram stories, but sometimes its good to put your phone down and just take it all in as it happens! Carnival Vista has given us some pretty spectacular memories that we will never forget! 

One of two family shots that we purchased on board! We loved  it so much, it went straight to a frame. 

The touch screen photo walls were so fun to use and gave the experience a personalized touch.

One of the things I love the most about cruising is the photography on board! I am a sucker for a good family picture; and, while I don't necessarily like staged photos, we were lucky that the photographers were willing to bend the rules to give us what we liked! Every night and at every port, we took family photos. I knew one to two of those was bound to be a good family pic! Let's talk about the latest feature on the ship when it comes to picking out your favorite photos! Long gone are the days of printed photos that get left behind on a shelf. Touch screen displays covered every wall at the photo department so that anyone could come and see their photos with their room number and code! This modernized amenity is not just easy and quick, but also efficient and personalized. That's what people want when they travel- a bit pf personalization; and, you are getting it on the Carnival Vista! 

Rain couldn't stop us! Watching Lala Land on the ship's deck after dinner. 

Guess what we did after checking out our photos? We left the kids at Night Owls and went to the Lido Deck where they were playing Lala Land! Another favorite from this cruise! Every night, the lido deck turned into an outdoor movie theater that played blockbuster movies starting around 7pm. It started raining when we were out there but we didn't care! The kids were at Night Owl, we ate our free popcorn, and danced along with Ryan Gosling and Emma Stone! 

Rocco taking over the slides at Waterworks. 

It's a Maya and Rocco showdown! 

'Now it's time to say goodbye, to all our company!' Last full day at sea and we are slowly getting into the 'we don't want leave' stage of our trip! Thats understandable; which meant, we are going to make the most of our last day! Even Maya was saying, "are we going home yet? Because I don't want to leave." How were we going to make the most of our day? By going to Waterworks and a movie! The kids had a blast going up and down the slides at the water park. You know what really made me happy? I loved watching Maya saying hello and playing with friends she made at Camp Ocean. It was so sweet watching them greet each other with hugs and run around playing with one another! Rocco was all about the slide and Maya would make it a point to go down at the same time as him so they could experience it together! It really was the cutest thing. We spent a few hours watching the kids go up the slide, down the slide, up the slide, and down the slide. After that, it was time for a nap! Lucky for Maya and I, we were wide awake. 

Taking in a showing of Wonder Woman at the IMAX theater on board.

Lights, Camera, Action! 

While Rocco and Coco slept, Maya and I hit up the IMAX theater! Second to the steak dinner, this was SPECTACULAR! A movie theater on a ship showing the latest flicks?! Where do I sign up!? We were feeling very 'Girl Power' so we watched Wonder Woman in 3D and it was KICKASS! I was so impressed with the theater and the high-end sound system and Maya and I couldn't stop talking about the film afterwards! There was no way I was going to be on this ship and not experience the IMAX theater! I recommend you do the same. 

Last cruise dinner. Pre-dinner drinks at Fahrenheit 555.

Sharing a Shirley Temple

Friday was our last dinner on the Carnival Vista and we were so bummed to say goodbye. This trip had been a surreal experience. Not only did we get to vacation aboard an incredible ship, but we made some remarkable memories along the way. There were more memories to be had on this last night and we weren't going to waste our time!

Before dinner at the main dining room, we popped into the steakhouse for a glass of wine. The kids shared a Shirley Temple. Here's a tip! The wine by the glass selection is top notch at the steakhouse. If you're looking for something a little different, hit up their bar for some tasty options!

Beef Carpaccio

Van Duzer Pinot Noir was a winner! 

Chingri- the hostess with the mostest! These ladies were wonderful! 

Once our last meal was over, we were so sad to say goodbye to our favorite hostess, Chingri! She and the front desk team at the main dining room were always so upbeat, happy, accommodating, and above all, engaging. There was always a smile on her face depsite complaints or long lines! Each time she saw Maya, she would personally hug her and walk her to her table. That made all the difference in the world when it came to our meal. She's hard to come by! 

PS. I added a photo of the beef carpaccio because I was so obsessed with it, I had two servings! Is it bad I could have had another two? It was perfectly seasoned! Also, the Van Duzer Pinot Noir from Willamette Valley (https://www.vanduzer.com) was a hit! We had it almost every night for dinner. Such a creamy and smooth red! 

Havana Bar for a little dancing before bed!

Love the decor inside the bar. The teal shutters were my favorite.

Daddy and Maya doing a little salsa dancing! 

There was no way we were wrapping up our vacation without a visit to the Havana Bar! I'm Cuban-American, so anytime I can get an inch close to the music I love, I'm game! Coco loves to dance and so does Maya and anytime they hear Latin music, they go nuts! I love the way this space is decorated with the colorful accents, and Spanish style elements like the paintings, shutters, and tiles. Again, it's all in the details!  

Coco and Maya got into the spirit and danced a little salsa on the dance floor, while everyone watched! We were loving every second of it! Coco and I sneaked in a dance as well while the kids danced on their own and I was so thankful for that! Any parent can relate- if you get even 30 seconds with your other half- consider it a honeymoon! 

Taking all Piano Bar requests! 

Last but not least, we paid a visit to the Piano Bar. It wasn't our first time; but, we came back with Maya and she was an instant fan! Both her songs (Ring of Fire and Fireworks) were played and she was jamming with Coco and I behind the piano. It was really cool to come and kick back at the lounge listening to an eclectic selection of songs from other cruisers. We had a great time! Rocco was asleep and Maya was just eating up the praise and applause for her two selections. I couldn't have thought of a better way to wrap up this vacation! Once the song was finished, we strolled back up to our room and called it a night. Was this vacation really over?! I want to do it all over again! 

The Carnival Vista takes biking to new extremes- and with a stunning view! 

It's not goodbye, its see you later!

I hope whomever reads this feels so informed and so excited about our own experience, that they plan their Carnival Vista vacation as soon as possible! From the service to the amenities, the Vista is definitely a sight to see and to experience. Next time, I'd like to check out a different itinerary.

With that being said, I absolutely recommend this ship to families because there is so much for kids to explore; but also so much to do together! I mean, what other ship has bikes that let you peddle around the big blue sea?!  Our kids are little so we they were a slightly limited, but there's the Sky Ride that's just amazing, the Sports Square, even a teen-friendly night club. I look forward to Rocco turning two so Coco and I can take advantage of the Camp and take in other adult-friendly activities aboard the ship! 

If you would have asked me if I expected to have this much fun, I would have told you, probably not. I have been reliving this trip as I've been typing up this blogpost. It really has been one of the best family vacations I've ever taken! I hope you had fun reading all about our Buccio vacation and you got to savor some of those happy moments with us! 

Thank you, Carnival, for our unforgettable adventure! 

In Style, 

Kathy Buccio